Misc. Fun

Something’s rotten in the state of Denmark.Last we spoke there were two chocolates eaten. Careful observation will reveal that there are seven chocolates missing. Seven minus two leaves five. Who ate these five? What slovenly creature would sink to such depths as to ingest five high quality chocolates, given as a gift to a boy…

What is happening? Has the world come to an end? How can the Amateur Gourmet possibly have a Thursday Night Dinner Song when it’s only Wednesday? HELP ME, I’M SO CONFUSED!Settle down, dear reader. The Amateur Gourmet understands your plight and is here to explain. As mentioned in a previous post, The Amateur Gourmet (who…

The Oedipus myth, according to Freud, is one that echoes in our psyche like a glass breaking on a marble floor in the Bank of America. We are victims of an early infatuation–“the greatest love affair of our lives,” according to many psychoanalysts–and though Sophocles’ intentions may have been simply to entertain the masses, the…

“Ugly Fruit it’s gonna move you / it’s just a song that gets right to ya!”So goes the commercial. But why is it advertised as gum?In any case, I continued my quest for all fruits bizarre and ill-sounding today at Whole Foods when I picked up an Ugly Fruit. At least I think it’s an…

A strange, stream-of-consciousness Thursday night dinner song.Enjoy!Download file

In case you are as amateur as I and are not aware of Wednesday’s status as “Food Day” allow me to enlighten you: on Wednesday, almost all of the nation’s papers publish their Food & Dining sections yielding thousands of scrumptious articles to wade through in your down time. I will therefore attempt, each Wednesday,…

Woohoo! I feel like the pampered subject of E! Fashion Emergency, Extreme Makeover and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy all rolled into one. Ain’t this new site design fantastic? Thanks to Colleen who I discovered via another great site, NYC Eats.Anyway, here’s to a happy new site design! Things’ll only get better from here…

THE AMATEUR GOURMET IS PROUD TO ANNOUNCE THE BIRTH OF HIS NEW KITCHEN APPLIANCEKNIFEBORN IN GERMANY, KNIFE IS A MEMBER OF THE WUSTHOF CLAN: STAINLESS STEEL, TEN INCH BLADE. HE WAS TEMPORARILY HOUSED IN THE CUTLERY WING OF WILLIAMS-SONOMA IN THE LENOX MALL:WHILE DRIVING HIM HOME, THE AMATEUR GOURMET NOTICED THAT TOWER RECORDS IS OUT…

Here’s a cheatin’ song about dinner:Download fileMy apologies to any legitimate blues singers.

Today I was in Whole Foods, perusing the produce aisles when I encountered a spiky lemon-like fruit that looked like something out of a Tim Burton movie.”What the hell is that thing?” I asked.”Language!” shouted a school teacher.”Sorry.”I read the sign above the spiky lemonfruit. It said: HORNY MELON.”Horny melon?” I asked.”If I have to…