• Turning Japanese!

    So we made Excite news! Well, Excite News Japan.Can anyone translate?[PS. We’re up to 80,000 hits! If I were running for president, I’d have won a caucus by now).

  • Ugly Fruit

    “Ugly Fruit it’s gonna move you / it’s just a song that gets right to ya!”So goes the commercial. But why is it advertised as gum?In any case, I continued my quest for all fruits bizarre and ill-sounding today at Whole Foods when I picked up an Ugly Fruit. At least I think it’s an…

  • The Thursday Night Dinner Song: “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Cupcake” (Pizza Dinner)

    A strange, stream-of-consciousness Thursday night dinner song.Enjoy!Download file

  • A Brief Account of My Celebrity

    Dear Amateur Gourmet Reader,First of all, let’s be clear. Fame hasn’t changed me. I am still the same Amateur Gourmet that you know and love, despite all the ornaments of my newfound success. Yes, maybe now a bathroom attendant pumps my soap when I wash my hands, but how else can I keep the strange…

  • BREAKING NEWS!!!

    CNN IS COMING OVER TOMORROW TO DO A STORY ON MY JANET JACKSON BREAST CUPCAKES! THIS IS NOT A JOKE! I REPEAT, CNN IS COMING OVER TOMORROW! THE STORY WILL AIR MONDAY NIGHT!

  • Wednesday Food Day: Feb. 4, 2004

    In case you are as amateur as I and are not aware of Wednesday’s status as “Food Day” allow me to enlighten you: on Wednesday, almost all of the nation’s papers publish their Food & Dining sections yielding thousands of scrumptious articles to wade through in your down time. I will therefore attempt, each Wednesday,…

  • The Varisty (Atlanta)

    Last semester I worked at Atlanta Legal Aid. My boss, an amicable sort, had many convictions, the most prevalent one being: “There is no onion ring better than the onion rings they make at The Varisty.”Now I’m a reasonable man. I believe that reasonable convictions maintained by reasonable people should be viewed reasonably. However, something…

  • Dreaming Big: A Janet Jackson Breast Cake

    Tomorrow night I plan to create something topical, something ambitious, something that will offend every member of the FCC (Federal Culinary Commission): A Janet Jackson Breast Cake.How will I do this?Well, I started a thread over at eGullet on the matter: Janet Jackson Breast Cake Thread; but I am also seeking your input.How best to…

  • Check it out!

    Woohoo! I feel like the pampered subject of E! Fashion Emergency, Extreme Makeover and Queer Eye for the Straight Guy all rolled into one. Ain’t this new site design fantastic? Thanks to Colleen who I discovered via another great site, NYC Eats.Anyway, here’s to a happy new site design! Things’ll only get better from here…

  • Charitable Chicken Soup for My Roommate’s Soul

    Poor Lauren. She has a cold. When Lauren gets colds they last for two weeks, minimum. And since I have been basking in my good health all weekend (excluding explicit epilogues), last night I called her cell phone on her way back from the airport and said: “Would you like me to make you chicken…