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“Hi there I’m Rachel Ray and I make 30 minute meals.”NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!I have this nightmare vision of Rachel Ray like Chucky in “Child’s Play” pacing around my room with her toothy smile and repeating that opening incantation: “I’m Rachel Ray, I make 30 minute meals” over and over again, wielding a chef’s knife.Rachel Ray has her…

The difference between Food Finds and Best Of is? Ummm, different hosts?Otherwise it’s the exact same show. I think it’s equally pointless. Although some guy just made sticky buns that looked good. How did he make them? Sorry, for that you’ll have to watch another show.I bet these shows are more expensive to produce than…

I hate this show so much. Best of? More like Worst Ever.It’s like watching a travelling infomercial. Mark Silverstein and Jill Cordes are to food what your local weatherman is to meteorology. Actual, they’re worse. There’s something corrupt about this show: money is changing hands somewhere. Basically Mark and Jill go across the country and…

I think this show is cute. I’ve seen it before, and it’s a fine thing to watch when you’re drunk and you stumble home and you can’t find your bedroom. I mean, of course it tips closer to the filler/fluff category of Food TV shows, but there’s some merit here. Basically they to go people’s…

Tyler Florence is from the pretty boy school of chefs made so popular, lately, by Rocco of reality TV fame. I can’t stand Rocco–he’s such an asshole to his staff. Tyler Florence, on the other hand, at least seems like a nice guy. And this show is a semi-neat concept: he goes into people’s homes…

Double your Sara, double your fun. Two episodes back to back? I’m in heaven.Now Sara’s making papillote: food cooked in a bag. I tried this once and almost killed Lauren with uncooked fish. But Sara makes it look easy.Sara warns: “Cooking fish in parchament paper looks so pretty, but be careful when serving it to…

Sara Moulton is the Food Network at its best. She’s instructive, witty and fun–watching her show is edifying without feeling that way. She embodies the spirit of a great teacher. And actually she reminds me of one of my favorite teachers from high school, Mrs. Stenner. Both are professional but with a great enthusiasm for…

Waking up to “Ultimate Kitchens” is like waking up in an elevator with Leeza Gibbons. This is the show you will watch when you’re 90, strapped to a bed and so pumped full of morphine that shadow puppets and the tri-color off-the-air TV signal amount to high art. The show involves a perky woman (pictured…

More with Tyler Florence and a perky co-host who reminds me of Reese Witherspoon in Election.This woman is such a spazz. They’re making Teriyaki chicken wings and while making the sauce, Tyler asks her to add the brown sugar. She opens the box and begins shaking and the entire BAG falls into the pot. The…

The Food Network is what got me hooked on food to begin with. Before the Food Network, I can’t even say that I gave food more than a passing thought. My allegiance lies with Sarah Moulton whose maternal whimsy made cooking seem an easy worthwhile prospect; I watched her show “Cooking Live” loyally every night at…