Writing about food since 2004.

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  • The Corner Bakery: Model Fast Food?

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    Today I rode the laurels of my celebrity away from school and on to the mall, where I could revel in my splendor—absorbing the awe-struck gazes of passers-by who whispered to one another: “Is that the guy from TV?” “He’s so much cuter in person!”I made my way up the escalator and turned left towards…

  • How CNN Killed My Bagel

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    I decided to delete all CNN airtime posts since they are now irrelevant. In the process, I deleted my post “A Cultural Anomoly: The Einstein Brothers’ Nacho Cheese Bagel.” I think it is gone forever and this upsets me because (a) I took time to write it, (b) I even did research for it, and…

  • Turning Japanese!

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    So we made Excite news! Well, Excite News Japan.Can anyone translate?[PS. We’re up to 80,000 hits! If I were running for president, I’d have won a caucus by now).

  • Ugly Fruit

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    “Ugly Fruit it’s gonna move you / it’s just a song that gets right to ya!”So goes the commercial. But why is it advertised as gum?In any case, I continued my quest for all fruits bizarre and ill-sounding today at Whole Foods when I picked up an Ugly Fruit. At least I think it’s an…

  • The Thursday Night Dinner Song: “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Cupcake” (Pizza Dinner)

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    A strange, stream-of-consciousness Thursday night dinner song.Enjoy!Download file

  • A Brief Account of My Celebrity

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    Dear Amateur Gourmet Reader,First of all, let’s be clear. Fame hasn’t changed me. I am still the same Amateur Gourmet that you know and love, despite all the ornaments of my newfound success. Yes, maybe now a bathroom attendant pumps my soap when I wash my hands, but how else can I keep the strange…

  • BREAKING NEWS!!!

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    CNN IS COMING OVER TOMORROW TO DO A STORY ON MY JANET JACKSON BREAST CUPCAKES! THIS IS NOT A JOKE! I REPEAT, CNN IS COMING OVER TOMORROW! THE STORY WILL AIR MONDAY NIGHT!

  • Wednesday Food Day: Feb. 4, 2004

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    In case you are as amateur as I and are not aware of Wednesday’s status as “Food Day” allow me to enlighten you: on Wednesday, almost all of the nation’s papers publish their Food & Dining sections yielding thousands of scrumptious articles to wade through in your down time. I will therefore attempt, each Wednesday,…

  • The Varisty (Atlanta)

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    Last semester I worked at Atlanta Legal Aid. My boss, an amicable sort, had many convictions, the most prevalent one being: “There is no onion ring better than the onion rings they make at The Varisty.”Now I’m a reasonable man. I believe that reasonable convictions maintained by reasonable people should be viewed reasonably. However, something…

  • Dreaming Big: A Janet Jackson Breast Cake

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    Tomorrow night I plan to create something topical, something ambitious, something that will offend every member of the FCC (Federal Culinary Commission): A Janet Jackson Breast Cake.How will I do this?Well, I started a thread over at eGullet on the matter: Janet Jackson Breast Cake Thread; but I am also seeking your input.How best to…