Writing about food since 2004.

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  • The Chocolate Chronicles: Chapter One, Chocolate Two

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    The Oedipus myth, according to Freud, is one that echoes in our psyche like a glass breaking on a marble floor in the Bank of America. We are victims of an early infatuation–“the greatest love affair of our lives,” according to many psychoanalysts–and though Sophocles’ intentions may have been simply to entertain the masses, the…

  • The Corner Bakery: Model Fast Food?

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    Today I rode the laurels of my celebrity away from school and on to the mall, where I could revel in my splendor—absorbing the awe-struck gazes of passers-by who whispered to one another: “Is that the guy from TV?” “He’s so much cuter in person!”I made my way up the escalator and turned left towards…

  • How CNN Killed My Bagel

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    I decided to delete all CNN airtime posts since they are now irrelevant. In the process, I deleted my post “A Cultural Anomoly: The Einstein Brothers’ Nacho Cheese Bagel.” I think it is gone forever and this upsets me because (a) I took time to write it, (b) I even did research for it, and…

  • Turning Japanese!

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    So we made Excite news! Well, Excite News Japan.Can anyone translate?[PS. We’re up to 80,000 hits! If I were running for president, I’d have won a caucus by now).

  • Ugly Fruit

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    “Ugly Fruit it’s gonna move you / it’s just a song that gets right to ya!”So goes the commercial. But why is it advertised as gum?In any case, I continued my quest for all fruits bizarre and ill-sounding today at Whole Foods when I picked up an Ugly Fruit. At least I think it’s an…

  • The Thursday Night Dinner Song: “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Cupcake” (Pizza Dinner)

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    A strange, stream-of-consciousness Thursday night dinner song.Enjoy!Download file

  • A Brief Account of My Celebrity

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    Dear Amateur Gourmet Reader,First of all, let’s be clear. Fame hasn’t changed me. I am still the same Amateur Gourmet that you know and love, despite all the ornaments of my newfound success. Yes, maybe now a bathroom attendant pumps my soap when I wash my hands, but how else can I keep the strange…

  • BREAKING NEWS!!!

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    CNN IS COMING OVER TOMORROW TO DO A STORY ON MY JANET JACKSON BREAST CUPCAKES! THIS IS NOT A JOKE! I REPEAT, CNN IS COMING OVER TOMORROW! THE STORY WILL AIR MONDAY NIGHT!

  • Wednesday Food Day: Feb. 4, 2004

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    In case you are as amateur as I and are not aware of Wednesday’s status as “Food Day” allow me to enlighten you: on Wednesday, almost all of the nation’s papers publish their Food & Dining sections yielding thousands of scrumptious articles to wade through in your down time. I will therefore attempt, each Wednesday,…

  • The Varisty (Atlanta)

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    Last semester I worked at Atlanta Legal Aid. My boss, an amicable sort, had many convictions, the most prevalent one being: “There is no onion ring better than the onion rings they make at The Varisty.”Now I’m a reasonable man. I believe that reasonable convictions maintained by reasonable people should be viewed reasonably. However, something…